We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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