I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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