So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
