For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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