You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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