omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
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you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
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This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar