All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!