how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"