Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.