walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
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it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
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Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt