I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.