Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"