Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
