We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
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Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
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Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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