They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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