Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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