you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize