I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I wear drunk well.
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