my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
