There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
