mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
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"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize