Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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