she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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