Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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