i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
