How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
