At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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