WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i came on her dog
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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