This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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