i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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