just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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