the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize