Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
