just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
