i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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