So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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