the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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