so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
