So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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