the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
