i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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