plz talk dirty to me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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