If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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