let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
