Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
