$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
