i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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