I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
