a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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