im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
