Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
one two three fourrrrnication!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
