I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
