well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
