its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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