I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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