she looked like the before picture.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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