Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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