i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
