You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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