I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
