I just made out with a guy for $7.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
