woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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