i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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