I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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