Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
