Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we have pet lesbian snakes
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
