you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
