I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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