I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
