DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
