If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
