so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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