Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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