you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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