is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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