Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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