Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
