he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
